Finding Balance is Hard

Hi my beautiful brothers and sisters in Christ, loooongggg time no talk!

It's been almost 3 months since my last blog post (whoops) but I've learned a lot over this time.

I am in a season where, honestly, I feel kind of stuck.

Last quarter felt like a never-ending feedback loop of just pain and sadness. I went through so much and I don't even fully remember what I even went through specifically.

This quarter has definitely been a lot lighter and brighter, but I just feel like I'm not as in control as I think... which is an ongoing lesson the Lord is trying to teach me.

Finding balance is hard. I can't tell when I'm supposed to hit the gas or the brakes. I can't tell when I'm supposed to study harder and work in isolation or when I can afford to take a break and hang out with friends. I can't tell when I'm supposed to pray big, specific, bold prayers and know that God can bring me all the things I ask, or when I'm supposed to just put my head down and say "not my will, but your will be done."

There are some days where I feel like God is wanting me to believe and trust Him for more, but other days I feel like He's telling me that my desires may not look like His and I need to learn how to stomach that.

But my question is...

How do you stomach the fact that the God who can do, change, give, create, and stop all things may not have your specific desires and longings in His plan because only He truly knows what's in and out of your best interest?

I have a feeling I'll be wrestling with that one for a while.

Fortunately, I know that despite not getting what I want sometimes and when I feel like nothing is going "right," God is always working things that are not yet seen and His way is always better.

This is one of those situations where we just have to sit back and trust God. I don't know anything in comparison to what God knows and I only see a very tiny slice of the story of my life. Though I may not feel Him at times or I may be very confused on how I am expected to find any sort of balance in life, I know that ultimately He is ever-present and always-moving.

Struggling with balance, faith, doubt, etc. is human, it's normal, and it's expected.

What sets disciples of Christ apart, however, is our response to these.

Do we allow our fear and doubt to grow bigger than our faith?

Or do we combat the lies, questions, and confusion with the sword of the Spirit and put on the full armor of God despite not "feeling" Him at times?

The beautiful thing is, even when we don't have the strength to fight or hold on, all we need to do is lay weakly on the ground and just call upon His name... "Jesus."

He will come to help you.

He will come to save you.

He will wrap you in His loving embrace, telling you that it will all be okay.

Again, balance is hard...

Thank you Jesus we don't need to figure it out on our own.

Let the Lord into all areas of your life; not just your relationships, academics, and future...

But also into your calendars, agendas, planners, and to-do lists.

Let the Lord find the balance in your life for you, and just do the work you can in every moment, trusting that He will give you more than you can handle but only so that you rely on Him to carry you through it.

All we can do is remind ourselves of who God is and what He has said He will do.

Balance is found in the struggles of humanity in one hand whilst reminding your soul of your relationship with the God of all in the other.