Power, Love, and Self-Discipline

I feel most alive when I am walking out in my calling, so why do I have a tendency to fall estranged to such? There is a crippling fear that disguises itself in the form of "extra preparation" that tries grasping onto every minute detail slipping from my vantage point, but instead of helping things be to the best possible version, it actually crushes and grinds the idea, vision, or dream down into dust.

I fight a lot of anxiety in my life, and it is something that the Lord has greatly shifted my perspective in and has given me a lot of tools to combat, but the worst of it tends to come in the most mundane of times. Starting and ending my days are such challenges to me because every neuron in my mind is being exercised while they try to come together to plan the perfect day, to think about all of the overlooked details, and to break down every conversation I have had or will have in the future. You would think that with the neurons being overworked to the tenth degree that eventually they would overheat and blow a fuse in the circuit breaker that is my mind, but because of how routine this is, my mind, body, and soul have grown calloused and accustomed to the stress, but the Spirit reminds me that it is holding me back.

You see, I used to be someone who would take every risk possible, who would try a hundred new things a week, and who would post, do, and wear the things I wanted without second guessing or over-analyzing it, but somehow in the transition from childhood to adulthood I have seem to have lost that spark. Thankfully I know that it has never truly left me and I can still uncover it beneath the rubble of shame, fear, embarrassment, and the opinions of others that has seemed to consume the flame God has started inside of me.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." -- 2 Timothy 1:7

I love that in contrast to a spirit of fear and timidity; power, love, and self-discipline are highlighted. Normally the antonyms to fear and timidity would be confidence, security, boldness, or bravery, but God makes no mistake.

When we have the Spirit of God working in and through us, we must at least attempt to recognize the depth of the power we posses. Romans 12:2 reminds us: "Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world but instead be transformed by the renewing of your mind." God has wired humans with the beautiful neurobiological avenue of neuroplasticity; our minds have the role to protect us from danger, and fear is the vehicle of such, but with neuroplasticity on our side, we can use this as a leverage point to ensure that our minds are changing for our betterment and not our detriment. We cannot simply stop our minds from changing or evolving, but we can direct them to grow in a specific direction. However, let us remind ourselves that it is not we who is in charge of this transformation, but God. We ought to come to Him daily, step out in faith daily, and be obedient and open daily so that He would work in and through us to transform and renew our minds into ones we never would have thought were possible.

This transformation is possible through the means of love. Yes, God has designed our nervous systems and minds to protect us from danger, but this was never meant to be something that stripped us from walking out in the freedom and confidence that Jesus bought for us on the Cross (John 3:16) or that we were formed with in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:25). Anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, insecure attachment styles, relationship problems, financial insecurity, hardships, physical ailments, and the like are not things of God, but are a result of our fallen nature, still all of these are things that Jesus has DIED FOR. He has bought your freedom on Calvary! He desires a reconciliation with YOU and loves you so much that He gave all away for a SLIVER of a chance that you would choose Him too. He wants to watch you be set free from all bondage and darkness that has a white-knuckle grip on your life. Sometimes this looks like a death, burial, and resurrection in the span of four days (John 11), and others this looks like a storm, flood, wiping away of all, and starting fresh after forty days and forty nights with a promise of peace (Genesis 6-9), sometimes this looks like learning how to walk through life with the pain and receiving full healing in Heaven, whatever it is... YOU WILL BE HEALED! You can cling onto this promise and walk in CONFIDENCE knowing that your Father loves you so much. You have no reason to be afraid when you are in the palms of His hands.

The hardest part of this beautiful walk is that sometimes God tells you to go and fight for the things you want. He wants to build in us a rhythm of self-discipline, hard work, determination, and resilience! Can you imagine if Jesus lived a life relying on motivation?

"No, Father, I don't really feel like fasting today."

"No, Father, I don't really feel like walking that far today."

"No, Father, I don't really feel like sitting with my friends today."

"No, Father, I don't really feel like being crucified today."

Where would we even be if this is how Jesus lived?! Mediocrity and the reliance on motivation are the diseases of our generation. The Lord has so much more in store for you, but you must keep walking forward and showing up for yourself, especially on the days you do not want to. Thankfully, we are not working hard to be saved, but because we are saved we get to work hard.

God has given you the power to teach your mind to step out in faith in the face of fear. He loves you so much that He has given you the ability to do such things. And He wants to see you live a life of self-discipline, learning to fight hard for the things you want in your life.

With this being said, I exhort you and I to figure out what we want in life, what we want the remainder of this year, what we want TODAY, and work with the Lord to move towards that. You can do so much more than you think because you are WORTH so much more than you think.

Lord, may you please transform our hearts to trust that you have all of the details figured out, and know you just want our "yes." I pray that you would stir in our hearts a desire to show up for ourselves daily and that we would work to become more like Jesus. I thank you for your grace in that we do not have to strive for perfection, but we get to submit in obedience. May we never forget that your timing and plan are perfect and that we do not have to figure it all out on our own. Please remove anything holding us back from living a life free of fear and timidity and let us live in power, love, and self-discipline until the day you return or call us home.

Amen.

Love,

Christi <3